What Happens When We Let Go of Who We Think We Are?

Why do we spend so much of our lives building an identity, only to realize later that it might not be who we really are?

Over the past decade, my own ego and sense of self have been challenged again and again. The version of me in 2015 feels worlds apart from who I am today in 2025. How does that happen? How can we change so much, yet still be in the same body?

Part of the answer lies in the people I’ve met.

Through my journey, I’ve had the honor of getting to know individuals who’ve faced profound struggle; loss of limbs, sight, identity, and somehow emerged with more peace and joy than most people I’ve ever met. Their resilience isn’t just inspiring; it’s transformative.

In The Joy Molecule, I tell the stories of three incredible humans connected to the Challenged Athletes Foundation (CAF). CAF is a community that’s impacted me in ways I can’t fully explain. Many of these athletes are now close friends, and they’ve taught me more about presence, perseverance, and purpose than any book or seminar ever could.

One of those friends is Jeff Mata.

Jeff is blind. He’s also a world champion in jiu-jitsu and has completed multiple triathlons, including the Ironman in Kona—arguably the toughest endurance race in the world.

In 2021 and 2022, Jeff and I rode over a thousand training miles together on a tandem bike. Then, from October 15 to October 21, 2022, we rode 640 miles from San Francisco to San Diego. Seven days. Seven different cities. Seven different hotels. And in all that time, Jeff only asked for help once.

He found his room, his bed, the bathroom—unpacked and repacked each morning without leaving anything behind. His independence was humbling. His joy, contagious.

People often assume I’m the one helping Jeff. But the truth is, he’s helped me more than I could ever help him. He’s shown me that we don’t serve others to feel noble—we serve because it connects us to what matters most. And often, we receive far more than we give.

So I’ll ask you this:

What have you done lately to explore what really brings you joy? 

It’s not an easy journey, but I promise—it’s one worth taking. Please leave me some comments about your journey, I’d love to hear them.